Today I am SO GRATEFUL for a job where I can work from home! I’m having a Hashimoto’s flare up, everything hurts and I just feel crummy and exhausted from being at a conference for the past two days.
The conference was great, my team is great, and my new school is great. While before, teaching at a brick & mortar school, I would’ve just powered through, gone to school anyway, and made my condition worse. Today, because I teach online, I can wear my comfy clothes while I work at home, perhaps on the couch with ice/heat packs instead of at my desk.
My most impactful moment of the conference was when we read letter after letter after letter, by student after student after student detailing why going to Indiana Digital Learning School (INDLS) was good for them. The prevailing message from all of them was the feeling like they just didn’t belong in traditional public school. Some of them were escaping bullies, some were escaping school violence, some had been kicked out for behavior, others needed the option due to medical conditions. The prevailing message from ALL of the letters was their gratitude for this place where they finally feel like they belong. I am right there with them today! I am feeling so very blessed to get to be part of this amazing (and huge) team of educators who make these kids feel accepted and welcome and loved every day in a true judgement free zone.
In digital school kids don’t see each other’s faces, or clothes, or expensive name brand vs ratty handed down shoes. They, instead, see each other’s hearts and minds. Those that are here escaping the bully, are here with the bullies that got kicked out! They haven’t escaped them at all. HOWEVER, because of the digital interface they both come together not realizing that in traditional public school they never would’ve gotten along because of their physical differences, or idiosyncratic differences. But here, they get along and actually like each other because the focus isn’t on those things, it’s on the text on the screen, the voice in their ear. All the things that separated them before have been stripped away and all that’s left is the truth that they’re not so different after all!
#onlineschool #K12rocks #INDLS #roomforeveryone #noteveryonefitsinthesamebox #allmadeequal #hashimotossucks

Yesterday was one of the most difficult days I’ve ever had in my career. I walked away from a job I’ve wanted my entire life. When I was in Kindergarten I knew I wanted to be a teacher. When I got to 4th grade I knew I wanted to be a 4th grade teacher. When I was student teaching, 2nd grade it was an utter disaster, but when I switched to 5th grade it was amazing! Since then I have taught preschool (so successfully that they promoted me to director within a month of being there.) A few months later (late August) we moved to Chicago land and I got a job working in a middle school in Oakbrook as a special ed instructional assistant and LOVED every minute of it. Then over the summer I got a job at the preschool where Gabe went while I was at work and again loved it! I flourished and they loved me. When school started again I didn’t even try to get an elementary job, I stuck with preschool and my 1 year old son. For the next 5 years I taught preschool though yet another move and other schools. Each time very successfully and happily. When our daughter came along Sean & I felt that it was time for me to step aside from teaching for awhile and be a stay at home mom. That lasted all of about 6 months before I HAD to teach someone about something and started writing, which led to authoring, which led to speaking and a whole different way of teaching. I loved it and was successful… but not profitable enough to continue doing it. So after 6 years of nap time writing/teaching I moved back out of our home & into the world of public education. The world I had trained for at Purdue but never really entered fully. I became a middle school special education instructional assistant yet again and yet again loved it and flourished immediately. I did that for the next year and a half while I renewed my teaching license that I had let lapse over the years of non use. All the while thinking about finally getting into elementary. It had been 12 years since I graduated from Purdue with a bachelors in elementary education and I had yet to step foot in an elementary classroom! I had thoroughly enjoyed my career thus far, been fairly successful and spent time with my children – working in the schools they attended.

That summer I put out what felt like a million applications and nothing NOTHING came back, not a single phone call. Talk about disappointment!

Wait, that’s not true, I WAS offered a high school position to teach the high school JAG careers class. But I turned it down because I was hoping for something, anything, in middle school or elementary. Then, three days before school started I got a call. One of the special ed teachers in my building had quit. While I didn’t have a sped license, I DID have a freshly renewed teaching license and a solid relationship with all the students. The next two years of teaching and going back to school to get my masters in special ed were some of the hardest of my life, but I again flourished and crushed the challenge life had thrown at me. But it exhausted me and at the end of the 2nd year I was looking to take a break from special ed and try something I had actually chosen on my own – elementary.

After MUCH prayer and guidance seeking, I applied to several schools in the area but only heard back from one district, Frankfort. Within 48 hours of applying I was standing in Green Meadows Intermediate school interviewing for the position I had waited my entire life for, 4th grade. Three hours later the principal was standing on my front porch with a sticky note salary offer in his hand bouncing on his toes trying to get me to accept their offer before even going to my interview with the middle school on Monday. While I didn’t accept the offer until Monday, I also didn’t go to the other interview either. I knew it was an opportunity I couldn’t pass up from the first moment. I was supposed to be a 4th grade teacher at Green Meadows in Frankfort.

I spent the rest of the summer holed up in my classroom making decorations, collecting books for my library, organizing and planning for something I’d waited for my entire life. I practically lived at the school, something my family did not appreciate very much. But I was playing school and in seventh heaven. Then school started for real and the pretending and waiting was over. I had real live 4th grader’s sitting in front of me fresh faced and ready to learn. From very early on I could tell something was off. The school was what I had always wanted. The kids were what I had always wanted. The position was what I had always wanted. But it wasn’t the same as before. I didn’t flourish. I mean, I was doing everything I had done before, working my ever-loving tail off, but it wasn’t producing the same results it had every other time before. My results were lackluster at best. They sent me to a training and I came back with fire in my belly. It helped, a LOT! Within a week things were working again and I was chugging along. Then a music stand fell down the bleachers and everything fell apart again. For the next 11 months I did everything I could to make things work, but they just didn’t. It just wasn’t right. It wasn’t WRONG by any means, but it wasn’t RIGHT either. Does that make sense?

It didn’t to me for a long time.

But through prayer I’ve come to understand it like this:

You know how it feels when you stand in the sun on a cold day? It’s cold outside, but you’re in the sun and it’s keeping you warm. But then a cloud comes along and suddenly your freezing! That’s what was happening. All those years of teaching preschool, adults and middle school I had been standing outside in the cold (because let’s face it, teaching is freaking HARD) but I was in the sun because I was doing what God had made me to do. But when I stepped foot into that elementary school I stepped under a cloud too. It was what *I* had wanted. It’s what *I* had chosen for myself. While it wasn’t wrong, it wasn’t right either. It was student teaching 2nd grade all over again! It wasn’t absolute failure, but it wasn’t complete and total success either. It certainly wasn’t my usual awesomeness, that’s for sure! So, after about 2 months into this school year I finally recognized my folly and started looking for other options that were in the sun. I’m praying that 9th grade English online is in the sun. We’ll see!

Last night, as I turned the lights off on what very well may be the last elementary classroom I ever teach in, the tears I’d been holding back welled, then spilled, then the dam burst and by then time I got to my lonely car in the parking lot I could hardly breathe I was sobbing so hard. I was saying goodbye to so much more than a school, or teachers, or students (all of which I loved!) I was saying goodbye to a childhood dream, lived out, but not anything like what I’d hoped it would be. It wasn’t anything like what I thought it would be for me. I sobbed, and prayed, and asked “WHY!?!” Why allow me to go through this? Why send me here only to have me leave? I wasn’t expecting an answer, but I got one instantly.

A single student’s name leaped into my heart and I knew he was right. While I had dozens of students crying over me, clinging to me, asking me to adopt them or stay, bringing me gifts, telling me I was their favorite teacher, asking for pictures with me. There was one, quietly sitting in the corner on his phone waiting for my attention. The attention he knew would be directed his way if he waited long enough. The only student who was confident enough in my love for him not to clamor for my attention. The only student whose life (I have faith) is forever changed by my presence in that school.

I wanted so desperately to save all the beached starfish in that school, but to that one single starfish, it meant the world to have a successful 4th grade year. And he did last year too. He changed me… and you know, in hindsight, that probably is what it was all about. I wasn’t there because I would change him. Maybe I was there because he would change ME. Change me into the teacher I needed to be moving forward from here.

Teaching is an amazing calling. It’s NOT for the faint of heart by any means. And I’m sorry, but for those who can’t, please don’t try to teach. Leave it to those who can. If you’re feeling like you’re in a place that’s not wrong, but it’s not right either, vacate the position to someone for whom it will be right. YOUR life, your light, your mental health, deserve to be heard. You deserve to be in your happy place in the sun. You’re hurting yourself & you’re students by staying somewhere that isn’t in God’s favor. It’s just not worth it for anyone involved. Leaving certainly isn’t easy, but perhaps it is the best thing for everyone. Pray about it and trust God to lead you where he wants you. His will, His way, His plans, are perfect including his timing! Follow Him and you will never be wrong.

So it’s been a whole year Since I’ve posted anything on here! It’s been crazy busy & honestly, I haven’t really felt led to write anything. Until today.

It’s been a rough Summer. Well, it’s really been a rough year. Last May I switched schools so that I could cross 4th grade teacher off my lifelong wishlist. Only things went south pretty quickly. I was working my TAIL OFF just trying to keep my head above water. I could hear God telling me to slow down, but I didn’t want to listen. I wanted to be a shining star at this new school. By the end of September, I. was. EXHAUSTED! But I kept on pushing!

On September 28th, I was sitting in the bleachers @ a home football game, listening to the pep band play when a huge wind came along and knocked a music stand over. It fell 5 rows down and hit me in the back of the head giving me a concussion. Now for most people, that concussion would’ve only lasted a week or two. Mine lasted 10 weeks! Did I let that stop me? Of course NOT! I had THE worst headache of my life for the next two days, but come Monday morning I was back at work, My head pounding like crazy but hey! I’m a teacher and no one can replace me right?!? WRONG!

An hour in I couldn’t see straight, I could hardly walk, and I was having trouble remembering kids’ names. One of the other teachers called the school nurse to come down and check on me. So right there in front of my students She checked my pupils & my blood pressure and told me to go see a doctor. I did. That’s when they diagnosed the concussion. I took the rest of the week off, but the first day back I worked 13 hours. then 12 hours the next day. It was parent teacher conferences, how could I miss that?

I kept pushing, and pushing, and seeing no improvement. Until finally my brain had had enough and just shut down. I couldn’t do simple 4th grade math calculations in my head anymore. But the day I knew it was really bad, was when l ate lunch in a dark interior room alone & I saw strobe lights flashing around my food. If that wasn’t bad enough, when I got up to go pick up my students from the cafeteria, I couldn’t walk straight and when I got to the cafeteria I had to hold on to the door jamb to keep from falling over. I told the other teachers I was going have to go home, but wasn’t sure how I was going to get there. Because I certainly couldn’t drive that way! I ended up having my husband and son come pick me up, and my son drove my car home for me.

I ended up being away from work for 9 weeks total from the day I got hit in the head and then after I went on medical leave. My doctor and my physical therapist neither one could figure out why it was taking me so long to recover. I was struggling with severe anxiety any time I left the house especially if it was bright outside or loud. I mentioned this to her so she prescribed some antidepressants that ended up giving me severe vomiting, and hallucinations! Yup hallucinations, a regular old medicine that most people can take without any side effects at all caused me to see a river in the middle of my living room! Not to mention maniacal laughing in my head all night! I kept pointing her to my thyroid as the culprit to my struggles but she refused to listen or even check it. Even though I’ve had hypothyroidism for YEARS. After a month of arguing with her I finally decided to seek a second opinion. I managed to start back to work in January and felt a lot better, but not completely recovered. So I called an endocrinologist and had to wait 3 months before I could get in to see her. However, when I did finally get in to see her at the end of May, she listened intently and said that she would do a full panel of tests to see what was going on. When my tests came back everything was normal, except of course, for my thyroid DUH! I had been saying that all along! However that wasn’t the only news that she gave me that day. She also told me that I have Hashimoto’s disease.

Hashimotos disease is an auto immune disease that affects the thyroid. Basically, my body will keep attacking my thyroid until it is completely gone. That 1st day she told me, I was a little too shocked to really react. I felt numb. I wasn’t happy, and I wasn’t sad, I was just numb. But through this summer As I’ve been able to process this news and learn more about the condition, it has been a roller coaster of emotion. Mostly not positive emotions either. Right now I’m just extremely angry at the fact that my body is broken and not currently functioning the way that it was designed to function. I’m frustrated with the fact that I can’t do what I want to do and I can’t keep the promises that I’ve made to those around me simply because I need more rest. It sucks! To put it bluntly, it sucks a LOT! I spent 9 weeks in bed nursing a brain injury only to get better and spend more time in bed trying to recover from a condition that I will never recover from. I believe in a God of Miracles. But right now I really don’t feel like he has one planned For me. I don’t feel worthy, although I have no real reason why I wouldn’t be worthy, I just don’t feel like it.

In addition to being diagnosed with Hashimotos disease this summer, my last grandparent died suddenly. According to him, he was my favorite and most handsome grandpa.

Around that same time it started getting hot outside. In the heat, my Hashimoto’s was causing heart palpitations that were absolutely wearing me OUT. So the endocrinologist prescribed me some beta blockers to help with the symptoms as needed. If I took one in a day it wasn’t too bad. It would kind of stop the palpitations, but not completely. So I called her and asked if I could up at the dose since we had started with a very low one since I am very sensitive to medicines, as is evidenced by having hallucinations earlier in the year! When I doubled the dose to only 20 mg, the next day I had such severe depression that I could hardly get out of bed, I didn’t want to do anything, I couldn’t think straight, and I was upset about things that had been resolved for years. So much for that medicine!

Shortly after that, Sean quit his job (his working conditions were horrible) and was out of work for 2 weeks. So finances have been extraordinarily tight.

So here I am, with a thyroid out of balance causing all kinds of wacky things to happen in my body, and no doctor to help me fix it all. When I went to go talk to the endocrinologist She basically said there wasn’t anything she was willing to do for me. She refused to up my dose of thyroid medicine because she thinks that will make my heart palpitations worse, I do not agree. And she refused to lower my dose of thyroid medicine because then my TSH levels will be too high, to which I do agree! So here I sit, with a body completely out of whack, a simple solution in front of us, but just out of my reach. You know, because I’m not a doctor!

So I say all that to say this, It has always been really hard for me to tell people no. However this summer has been even harder because I’ve been having to tell people no because I’ve been sick. So please know that if I am telling you that I can’t do something, or go somewhere, it is not because I don’t want to do those things with you. Rather it’s because my body isn’t letting me. I would really appreciate as many prayers as you would send up for me for healing! I know God hears, I know God cares, and I know that if it is His will He can fix this in whatever way He chooses to do so. Today in church He reminded me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and that includes this disease that creates in me an imperfection through which His perfection can shine. So I pray that it does! Although I seriously have no idea how in the world that is going to work! But I trust in His plan, and I trust His hand, and Jesus name.

Have you ever noticed how we never say that darkness rose? Darkness doesn’t rise, it falls. And it falls because the LIGHT is what rises.

Today, may THE Light rise in your hearts and your lives!

(Thank you to Ahmad Luthfi , Okezone for this perfect photo! Click the photo to visit website.)

I don’t know about you all, but it’s been a really rough year so far and I really really needed this verse tonight! (Isaiah 46:9-13 in case you can’t see the picture very well.)

HE. IS. GOD! 

HIS plan WILL take place!

He will do ALL His will! 

Yes! HE has spoken; so also 

HE will bring it about! 

HE has planned it; 

HE also will do it! 
We Thank You God that YOU! ARE! GOD!!!! It seems so silly to be saying this Lord. 

You are God. 

Duh! 

This isn’t news, we know this. Yet all too often we forget it. We get so used to You being Daddy and friend, confidant and soul mate that sometimes we forget the God part. We forget the Almighty-on-our-side-don’t-need-our-help-but-deeply-enjoys-our-company part. We forget that YOU are God. God Almighty, maker of heaven and earth and everything in between. Maker of that mountain-I’m-having-trouble-climbing. King of ALL creation, Lord of ALL the living. God I praise You for being, well, YOU! I praise You for caring enough to hear our prayers, to lean in and listen to the softly spoken prayer that our hearts cry, but our mouths are too afraid to speak. You not only hear those prayers you listen to those heart-cries and You answer them in unimaginable ways! Ways that we can never understand, yet appreciate deeply! You know what we need and You provide those things in amounts that are proper and good for us. Never so much it makes us sick or too little so as for us not to notice their presence.  You give us rest when we need it, even if we don’t want it. You give us work when we need it, even if we don’t want it. There is a time for everything and everything IS beautiful in its time. God I thank You that You know those times and bring them about in Your timing, not ours. 

I know there are a lot of things that we want and we want them NOW. But we pray in Your will for Your time. Thank You God for being GOD in my life time and time and time again! It never gets old! Hallelujah! Amen! 

I just went to write a new post and found this one from FALL BREAK! Enjoy! 

It’s Fall Break here! And what better to do than spend half of it… AT SCHOOL! For most people that wouldn’t be a break from school, but there is nowhere more peaceful than a school building during a break! Plus, it’s my happy place right now. Especially since it’s been my lifelong dream to be a public school teacher and I didn’t get the job until two days before school started so I had basically zero time to do anything with it other than throw things in and say, “Voila! It’ll have to do.” So when the grandparents requested my kiddos for the week I, reluctantly, agreed. And when I say reluctantly, I mean I let my kids go with them, kicking and screaming the whole time because *I* wanted them all to myself this week. I also wanted all summer to prepare for my school year but that didn’t happen now did it. So I took my lemons and made lemonade. Sean has had to work all week so I would’ve been home alone anyway. Might as well drive the two minutes to school and play, I mean work, in my room right? I have always loved being crafty and this week has been no different! I’m so excited to share my room makeover with you all! AND as an added bonus, I have made a few of the items from my room available through my new Teacher’s Pay Teachers store! Yay!

So here’s what my room looked like at the beginning of the school year: 

The left side of  the room from the door. And although the painted ceiling tiles are awesome I don’t get to keep them, they’re going back to the former tenant. But I’m going to decorate my own. 

I had a LOT of issues with the desks being smack up against the wall. Many of the 6th graders would exploit that fact to do things on their Chromebooks they weren’t supposed to because I couldn’t see their screens unless I was RIGHT next to them. Which always gave them time to exit out by the time I got there. 

Right side of the room from the door:

The board, I’m actually still really happy with this part of my room. I 💙 the border around the board! This is the focal point of the room and the banner above the board is where I got the colors for the room. 

 I love this shelf full of class sets of books! It just makes me so very happy! 

 These are my independent work stations.

 I did a growth mindset lesson on this quote at the beginning of the year. This is our, “I did it!” wall. Any time the students have something they’re really proud to have accomplished we put it on this wall. By the end of this first 9 weeks the wall was a MESS! A happy one full of A & B’s tests but still, they were everywhere and it was driving me bonkers! 

And with only 2 days before the start of school they certainly didn’t have time to make a name plate for me so I turned this little sign I had into one! 

Not bad for only having 1 day to prepare it! BUT I knew I could do better. Here’s what it looks like now! 

I originally had my turn in folders over by my desk, for better traffic flow I moved them next to the board. I also added a tissue/extra paper station under it. I’m not sure you if you can see it but right above the outlet there is a Rock, Paper Scissors kit I found at Meijer. It’s one of the favorite items in my room. It’s a rock shaped  eraser, post it notes & a pair of kid scissors. 

“The Reading Corner” has transformed into, “The Book Nook.” I pushed the smaller shelf over to the bigger shelf to create a more intimate space. The original configuration with the pillows strewn across a third of the room facilitated pillow fights and jumping into them like a pile of leaves. This doesn’t. Plus the rules are clearly posted and will continue to be discussed throughout the year. The adorable twine banner I’m completely in love with is available as a PDF printable here in my Teachers Pay Teachers store. 

The fridge got hoisted by yours truly onto the counter behind my independent work desk. This is where all my children’s after school snacks found a home so it just made sense to make it a little kitchenette. I’m not sure that you can see very well in the pictures but I decorated the small pails as well with a white ribbon with black polka dots. 

The pails were a Target Dollar spot find and the ribbon was a Michaels Dollar spot find! Next to that is my coat hook and a mirror, always handy. 

And above the independent work station, 

 This space may get a Keurig coffee maker added to it because Sean just gave me one for my birthday this morning before he left! 

Sam our amazing janitor hung this K for me that I found at Hobby Lobby for 50% off. I had been wanting one of their metal K’s for months but never wanted to pay that much for them, but 50% off was impossible for me to resist. And this one has a wood frame even! Thanks again Sam! 

In this pic, that I know Sam would hate, you can see the I did it wall redesigned. I used twine again to carry the theme through the room. Over the summer I had found 5 $1 packages of 6 neon colored flower clips each that were perfect for this spot! Now each of my students has their very own clip on the wall. When I introduced it to them yesterday they were so excited! Several of them immediately started digging through their folders for a paper to put on the wall. It was really kind of awesome. 

Here’s another of my 50% off Hobby Lobby indulgences. These kiddos have been through a LOT! At a young age life has handed them not one, but a bowl full of lemons. Their brains don’t process information quite like every one else’s do and that has made public school learning very difficult for them. Life, for them, has been tough so the instant I saw this sign I knew I had to have it! My goal is to take pictures of each student being “tough” and then surround the sign with their pictures. I want them to KNOW that when they leave that room and go back into the world that they are tougher than anything they will face out there. 

I also have these two desks facing the wall. It makes them look like time out desks, they’re not. Iwanted to have a space where a group of two could work together nicely and that was the only way the desks would fit in the space. I made site to emphasize that to the kids yesterday. 

This window cling is one of the first things I bought for my room waaaaaaaaaaay before I had a room. It’s one of my many subtle nods to the Bible and anyone who’s been to Sunday school can relate it to “This Little Light of Mine.”

Here I have a group of 3 desks for those who prefer a window seat decorated with some more inspiration from Sheridan’s own Market on Main.

I’ll be working this saying into a lesson in the next few weeks. And I’ve downloaded some cute arrows to decorate with! 

The Brownie Points board was birthed last year when I got my first Guided Study class. The main purpose of the class is to reinforce what is being taught in the General Education classes and helping them get their homework finished. Well, I knew from experience that the number one problem for my students was getting their homework done AND turned in on time. So I needed an incentive program to help them do this because obviously the intrinsic reward of finished work wasn’t enough for them. I am a total believer in food dye allergies especially in kids with ADHD, a large majority of the kids in the Special Ed program. I have SEEN kids before and after food dye and is not always pretty! So naturally I avoid them at all cost in my student rewards. Chocolate has food dyes. And usually little to no preservatives even, depending on the product. So when I saw this idea on Pinterest I knew it was for me! I check the students Powerschool accounts every Friday, if they have zero zeros  (no missing work) they get a Hershey kiss and a brownie point for the board. Any time they get an A or B on a test, they get a Hershey Kiss and a Brownie Point. Once the board fills up we have a brownie party. I bring in the ingredients to make a glass pie plate of microwave brownies and I make them FRESH during class. 

And here is the user names and passwords banner you can find here in my Teachers Pay Teachers store. 

Ok ya’ll, I’ve been working in this post for a WEEK, it’s time to declare it done whether it is or not. I just had a dream that is waking me up! I’ve been, as God put it, “Running with the ball”. He gave me this gift of this room and I’ve been running around clutching it hoping everyone would see how pretty it is in the hopes that I would get to keep it. But that’s not how God works. And it’s not the important thing either. I spent all of fall break making my room look pretty. And then last night had to stay up until midnight in order to finish an IEP for a case conference first thing this morning. Were my priorities in the right place? No. Obviously they weren’t! While it’s fun and so nice to have a nice clean pretty room now. That’s not the most important thing. The most important thing, in football terms, is that the goal gets made. Not that I have to be the one to make the goal. Sometimes, instead of running around with the ball trying to get everyone’s attention on the field, it’s better to pass the ball to the one who is guaranteed to be able to make the touchdown. I may not be the one to make the touch down myself, but at least I can be the one who made the touchdown pass. In spiritual terms, God is the only one who can truly make the touchdown goal. And if I’m not passing the ball to him in order to get the touchdown, there’s a very good chance that the touchdown won’t get made. However if I pass the ball back to him, it’s guaranteed to get made! So while I can run around clutching things to my chest I might get the attention that I want from others, but I’m not getting the attention for the right things. I’m not getting any attention for making a touchdown pass, I’m just getting attention. Sometimes we just have to pass the ball to the one who can make the touchdown. God blesses us in order for us to be a blessing to others. That requires that we take the things that God has given us and give them to others, not hold on to them for our own selfish reasons. Is there something that you are holding on to? Is there something that God has been asking you to let go of, and you’re not? Pass it to him! I have been floundering a lot lately. I have been trying to swim in a race, while carrying heavy burdens that I don’t need to be carrying. And if I would only give them to God and let him take care of them, that would free up my hands so that I can swim fully!

Lord I give you my world, I give you my doubt. Father I give you back the blessings that you have graciously bestowed upon me! I give them back not because I don’t want them, or because I don’t appreciate them, but because I do! I now understand that I have been clutching things to my chest and running away from you with them in the hopes that I would get to keep them. Not understanding, that you gave them to me because you wanted me to have them and that you won’t take them away. I now realize that you gave them to me to keep and to cherish and to use appropriately. Lord I know that I have been acting as if the things that you’ve been giving me we’re only temporary and wouldn’t last. But that’s not the kind of gifts that you give. All good gifts come from above! And if you ask us to give something away, it’s only because you have something better in mind to give us in exchange! Please help me to let go of the things that I don’t need to be holding on to you! Help me to let go of the things that are pulling me down in the water keeping me from swimming this race well! I want to swim this race well for you!